"Tell them why you believe"

I was very impressed by the words of Sister Sharon Eubank at General Conference this past year: "Tell them why you believe, if you ever doubted, how you got through it, and what Jesus Christ means to you." I have been feeling the need, over the past few weeks, to talk more about my personal periods of doubt and how I got through them.

I had a lot of doubts in high school. I vaguely believed that God existed, and I liked going to church, and I wanted to be like Jesus, but there were a lot of doctrines that really bothered me. Why could only men pass the sacrament or be bishop or give blessings and not women? Why was polygamy ever a commandment that a loving God could give? Was gay marriage really against the commandments? Why do we talk so much about the church being true when it's made up of imperfect people who have made mistakes?

There were many things I didn't understand, and many things that I didn't have a sure conviction of. People I cared about and admired were grappling with the same issues.

Eventually, as you can kind of guess, I did get through this period. While I can't say I'm an expert on faith crisis and doubt, I can share the things that helped me personally resolve my doubts.

1. A correct understanding of what faith is and how to build it.

Toward the beginning of this period of questioning, I began to focus on the principles taught in Alma 32 (specifically verses 21 and 27). "Faith is a hope for things which are not seen but are true." I certainly hoped that the Gospel was true, and that there were answers for me within the Church and its doctrine. "Even if you so much as desire to believe..." I couldn't say in this time period that I even believed almost any of the things I was worrying about - but I did desire to believe. Knowing that my hope and my desire were enough to start with was hugely reassuring and allowed me to continue on this journey. 

2. I made choices that would make it easier for my weak faith to grow.

When I began high school, I decided to read my scriptures every day, inspired by a bishop's challenge. As I neared graduation, I decided to attend BYU so I could be surrounded by people with similar beliefs and habits. Once I got to college, I decided to stop visiting online groups that I felt were encouraging my doubts. They had once been helpful in making me feel comfortable acknowledging my doubts and seeing others attempt to resolve them in their own lives, but I felt at that point, that they were creating unnecessary tension and conflict in my life. 

Because I continued to attend church throughout high school, I was blessed with several bishops and Young Women's leaders who believed in me - in my capacity to do good and to even inspire others to do good as well. They saw my potential and they saw the good that I was already doing, and they helped me channel that toward the Gospel. I also found friends among the Mormon group at my school, which helped me continue to want to go to church.

3. Patience

It took me a couple years to develop a testimony strong enough to be able to palate some of the answers I wanted and a couple years more to receive those answers. Along the way, I was blessed with a few strong spiritual experiences (receiving my patriarchal blessing, deciding to go on a mission, receiving confirmation of a specific doctrine prior to leaving on my mission). But mostly, it was daily acts of faith and frequent smaller spiritual experiences that built my faith and gave me the hope to keep going.

A testimony can grow in many ways and not everyone needs to make the same choices I did. However, I believe that each of these was essential in helping me develop the confidence that the church is true and that God lives and speaks to us. Over time, often through incremental bits of revelation, I was able to receive satisfying answers to each of my questions.

I still ask questions today, but they are different questions. How do I have faith and hope that God will keep His promises when it feels like nothing is going the way I want it to? How do I make the time I spend reading scriptures or praying more holy? How do I feel and show more love for those around me? What would Jesus do if He were in my shoes? Am I actually willing to do anything God requires of me or am I holding back in part?

Because I've had questions answered before, I know God will help me find these answers in time. I am grateful for the chance to learn of Him.

Some cute missionary reuniting with her dad. Just like our earthly parents, our Heavenly Parents love us a ton! That's why God will always answer our prayers - eventually.